THE BEST EASTER EGG SALAD RECIPE EVER OF ALL TIME YEAH BUDDY

• 6 large eggs – actually, make as many as you need for the baskets, but just the baskets. Who hides real eggs? No one. That’s a recipe for disaster.
• 1 cup white vinegar
• Wilton Gel Food Coloring - do not be a damn cheapskate here.  I'm serious.  You know what you get when you buy one of those cardboard box kits that promise gorgeous eggs?  A BOX OF LIES.  Get the real shit and use it for years.  Trust me.
• 1/3 cup mayonnaise or Miracle Whip, I prefer the later because CHILDHOOD
• 1 stalk celery, finely chopped - FINELY CHOPPED.  No one wants to die choking on a piece of celery.  NO ONE.
• 1/2 small onion, finely chopped - SEE ABOVE.
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley or dill - if you don't have it, who cares. 
• 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard or regular yellow, it's all good.  Get it from Aldi.
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper - or just the regular shit in a set of shakers that sits on top of your stove, it's fine, I see you and it's fine.

Cover the eggs with at least 2 inches of water in a medium saucepan and bring to a rolling boil. Remove from the heat, cover and let sit for 10 minutes. Transfer the eggs to a bowl of ice water to cool completely. BETTER YET, have you got an Instapot or one of these thingies?  Use that shit, the eggs are much easier to peel.

After they cool, find some old mugs or cups that you have laying around and pour enough boiling water in each cup that it will cover the egg when the egg is placed inside BUT NOT OVERFLOW. Do you hear me? YOU DO NOT WATER OVERFLOWING HOT VINEGAR WATER WITH FOOD DYE ON YOUR HANDS AND KITCHEN FLOOR. Learn from my mistakes. LEARN FROM THEM.

Anyway, put a tablespoon or so of vinegar into each cup and then add a big fat toothpick full of the good food coloring.   If it's not enough, add more later.  Stir that shit and drop in those eggs with a spoon. 

Dye the hell out of those eggs and then hide them or whatever.  VOILA - EASTER EGGS.

When the celebrations are over and you are sick of looking at all of the eggs in your fridge, Mix together the mayonnaise-ish stuff, celery, onions, parsley, mustard, 1/2 teaspoon salt and a few grinds of black pepper in a medium bowl. Peel and roughly chop the eggs, add to the mayonnaise mixture and toss gently to combine. Serve right away, or cover and refrigerate for up to 2 days.

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